Chicago, IL—Disaster struck early this morning in a local public bathroom when an area girl decided to wait until a colleague had finished washing up to take a shit, only to discover that the colleague also had plans to brush her teeth for “a fucking eon.”
"I wanted to take a shit in private," said the victim in question, Rachel, who requested that we not use her last name for the sake of anonymity. "I mean, it’s not like I haven’t used a public bathroom for that purpose before, but if given the choice, I prefer to do it alone, and I really thought that lady was on her way out, so I waited in the stall."
She could not foresee what was about to happen next.
"The woman was washing her hands, so I figured that she would be gone in just a minute or two. But then suddenly I heard the sound scrubbing and I realized she was brushing her teeth."
Thinking that the woman’s dental routine would only go on for thirty seconds or so, Rachel continued to wait. But things quickly took a tragic turn.
"I soon realized that this wasn’t just a normal rinse and spit procedure," Rachel recounted with sadness in her eyes. "This was an oral hygiene routine of epic proportions. Multiple rinses, marathon brushing, flossing…even a fucking dentist would have thought it was excessive."
"I thought about going ahead and just taking the shit," Rachel continued, "but by that point, I’d sort of waited too long. Like, she knew I was in there, so if I had suddenly dropped a deuce and come out to wash my hands after sitting quietly for a couple minutes, my original intentions would have been completely obvious, and the interaction at the sink would have been super awkward."
After cleaning her teeth like they were “effing diamonds or something,” the woman finally left, and Rachel was able to shit in peace. But she’ll never forget the horrible lesson of what happened in that stall.
"If this ordeal has taught me anything, it’s that life is too short to wait—even for taking a dump.”