STORY: James Franco Unable To Understand Why Ryan Gosling Is Subject of Academically Inclined Meme Instead of Him
NEW HAVEN, CONNECTICUT—Hollywood star and ridiculously accomplished Renaissance man, James Franco, expressed confusion this Wednesday as to why his famous peer, Academy Award Nominee Ryan Gosling, was chosen over him to be the subject of an increasingly absurd internet meme that features images of The Notebook actor paired with academically inclined pick-up lines.
"It just doesn’t make sense," said the befuddled 33-year-old thespian and graduate student. "I mean, don’t get me wrong, Ryan’s a great guy. But he spends his spare time hanging out in Disneyland and eating ice cream. Do you know what I do in my spare time? I collect graduate degrees.”
Franco is currently getting a PhD in English at Yale University, and is also taking courses at the Rhode Island School of Design.
"Like, I saw this one blog called Feminist Ryan Gosling,” Franco continued, “and it was all about how gender is a social construct even though everyone likes to cuddle, and excuse me, but I totally fucking wrote a paper on post-feminist cuddling when I was at NYU. Ryan probably didn’t even get that joke. For serious; I tried to talk to him about feminist theory once at the Vanity Fair Oscar party and he didn’t even know who bell hooks was.”
Franco went on to say that while Gosling was “really fucking good in that one car movie” he doubted that the Canadian actor could match his expertise in other topics the meme had addressed, including Medieval History, Film Studies and Biostatistics—all subjects in which Franco holds advanced degrees.
"Even the Handmade Ryan Gosling blog really confuses me,” Franco added. “Does Ryan Gosling sell hand-stitched pashminas and crocheted tea cozies in his Etsy shop? No. But I do.”
Still, Franco claims he’s not bitter about all of the attention that Gosling is getting.
"This whole meme thing has taught me a lot about creative appropriation and mutations of the public image, so I’m probably gonna go for my doctorate in Media Theory when I’m done with the English PhD and the next Planet of the Apes movie.”
As of press time, Franco had 14 advanced degrees and one certification in Submerged Arc Welding.
[UPDATE—Please note: As the tags “fake news” and “joke” are meant to indicate, this story is a news parody. These are NOT the actual words of James Franco or anybody affiliated with James Franco. He does sell homemade Pashminas in his Etsy shop, tho. That part is totally true*.]
*No, it’s not.