girldetective.me


Charmingly pretentious misfit based in the Middle West. Skilled taxidermist, crime fighter, and former Olsen Twin. Dislikes olives. Fluent in English, Pig Latin, and Esperanto. M.O.T. No trespassing.







  • April 17, 2014 12:40 pm
    monkeyfrog:

coyotesqrl:

causticgrip:

party-wok:

braiker:

Are you fucking kidding me? Did we all just wake up in 1938?

Jaw on the fucking floor.

wow…

No. We just woke up in 2014. This shit never changes.

GAH

I’m sorry this has become an anti-semitism watch blog within the last few days, but…yeah. I think a lot of people assume hatred of Jews is a thing of the past, and that we don’t deserve to qualify as a minority anymore, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. I wish people would be as outraged about anti-semitism as they (rightly) are in regards to attacks on women, POC, and the LGBTQ community, but that doesn’t seem likely. Frankly, there are days where I wonder if I would get more sympathy if I complained about men telling women to smile rather than treatment of Jews. Sigh. View high resolution

    monkeyfrog:

    coyotesqrl:

    causticgrip:

    party-wok:

    braiker:

    Are you fucking kidding me? Did we all just wake up in 1938?

    Jaw on the fucking floor.

    wow…

    No. We just woke up in 2014. This shit never changes.

    GAH

    I’m sorry this has become an anti-semitism watch blog within the last few days, but…yeah. I think a lot of people assume hatred of Jews is a thing of the past, and that we don’t deserve to qualify as a minority anymore, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. I wish people would be as outraged about anti-semitism as they (rightly) are in regards to attacks on women, POC, and the LGBTQ community, but that doesn’t seem likely. Frankly, there are days where I wonder if I would get more sympathy if I complained about men telling women to smile rather than treatment of Jews. Sigh.

  • April 16, 2014 4:22 pm

    Missouri Mayor "Kind of Agrees" With Alleged Kansas Shooter About Jews

    THIS IS AN ELECTED OFFICIAL, PEOPLE. 

  • 12:35 am
    I was going to delete this post, because sharing it on my Facebook page wasn’t intentional, but then I thought:
"No. It’s perfect."
So I guess it stays. View high resolution

    I was going to delete this post, because sharing it on my Facebook page wasn’t intentional, but then I thought:

    "No. It’s perfect."

    So I guess it stays.

  • April 15, 2014 5:50 pm
    A picture of a dog on a boat, posted by somebody whose handle begins with “everything”, but isn’t everythinginthesky…

I guess we’ll just have to chalk this one up to coincidence. View high resolution

    A picture of a dog on a boat, posted by somebody whose handle begins with “everything”, but isn’t everythinginthesky

    I guess we’ll just have to chalk this one up to coincidence.

    (Source: anyskin)

  • April 14, 2014 9:34 pm

    Have you considered releasing locusts?

    Hmmm…

  • 9:08 pm
    The irony of having to skip the celebration of a major holiday commemorating my ancient ancestors’ escape from religious tyranny to finish writing a term paper is not entirely lost on me. View high resolution

    The irony of having to skip the celebration of a major holiday commemorating my ancient ancestors’ escape from religious tyranny to finish writing a term paper is not entirely lost on me.

  • 1:16 pm
    I always knew knew Tom Hanks was up to something. View high resolution

    I always knew knew Tom Hanks was up to something.

  • 10:33 am
    Anonymous:  I like your blog and I like Nutella so I'm going to follow

    This might be the best anon I’ve ever received.

  • 12:08 am

    Former KKK Leader Suspected in Kansas Jewish Center Attacks: Sources - NBC News

    I think sometimes non-minorities have a difficult time understanding how I, as a caucasian, can be deeply terrified of white people. How I can literally quake in my shoes walking through all-white areas of rural towns. How looking at a rental house in Michigan on vaguely seedy, white-bred street actually gave me a full-blown panic attack (even though the beloved Chicago neighbourhood I was moving from was likely far more dangerous on paper). 

    It’s because I know something like this is a possibility for me. 

    Because even though I’m not really a person of colour, I still look Ashkenazic to the trained eye, and every time a pair of white eyes falls on me in places where I and my family members are the only minorities, my heart starts pounding, and there’s a voice in the back of my head that says “Shit. Shit, they know what I am and they’re going to kill me.” 

    My brother had a swim meet years ago at some school an hour away from where we lived in Central Illinois. We got lost and ended up in a tiny little backwater town in the middle of nowhere. This was before GPS, and we realised going into the local bar was the only way we were going to get directions back to the highway. Except none of us wanted to go inside.

    My father, who is biracial (half-Ashkenazi and half-South Asian), counted himself out of the running immediately on the grounds of being “both Jewish and brown,” and I said there was no way in hell I was going to get out of the car. My mother wasn’t any more up for the task than I was, but we made her go inside because she has blonde hair and blue eyes. Still, that didn’t steady her nerves much.

    "What if they know somehow?” She asked, referring to her Jewishness.
    "Run like hell," I told her. 

    Of course, we know most white people are perfectly nice individuals with absolutely no desire to kill us. And yet…

    Back in the mid-90s there was a stand-up special on Comedy Central, and Marc Maron did a bit about how he went to a gun show once for kicks, and let slip that he was Jewish—to which a guy standing next to him replied menacingly: “I knew it.”

    And oh man, if that isn’t my biggest fucking fear. 

  • April 13, 2014 3:32 pm

    Introvert Quirk #283

    Being relieved when I see the person walking towards me on the street has a dog, thus giving me the perfect excuse to focus my gaze downward and avoid making eye contact with a stranger—all the while still appearing sweet and amiable. 

  • 2:17 pm

    "Is it windy by you? Because it’s like Mary fucking Poppins over here today."

    — My mother has a way with words

  • 6:54 am

    Playing a little game I like to call ‘Why The Fuck Am I Awake?’

    The fun part is that even if I guess right, I still lose.

  • April 11, 2014 1:04 pm

    I’m thinking about unfriending my lone Conservative friend on Facebook, not because I don’t think he has the right to express his views, but because I can’t scroll past anything he writes without the above situation occurring, and it’s taking up too damn much of my time. 

  • April 10, 2014 3:28 pm
    5by5kevin:

newsweek:

Stephen Colbert is set to take over for Late Night host David Letterman in 2015. 
Will you watch? 

NICE!
Now we just need Jon Stewart to take over for…pretty much every news anchor on every channel in the US.

NOT NICE. This is horrible news. We are about to lose one of our generation’s greatest voices in political satire to a mainstream network show that centres around vapid celebrity interviews and skateboarding dogs. 
I feel like crying. We should all be in mourning.  View high resolution

    5by5kevin:

    newsweek:

    Stephen Colbert is set to take over for Late Night host David Letterman in 2015. 

    Will you watch? 

    NICE!

    Now we just need Jon Stewart to take over for…pretty much every news anchor on every channel in the US.

    NOT NICE. This is horrible news. We are about to lose one of our generation’s greatest voices in political satire to a mainstream network show that centres around vapid celebrity interviews and skateboarding dogs. 

    I feel like crying. We should all be in mourning. 

  • April 9, 2014 2:04 pm

    Make Me Smile

      [Background:  I've had a benign tumour on my parotid gland for years, and at some point in the next year or so, I'm planning to get it removed]
      Me:  I'm going to see if I can schedule that surgery for December.
      Mother:  Okay.
      Me:  It makes me a little nervous, because they have to cut around the facial nerve, and there's a very slight chance of facial paralysis.
      Mother:  It's scary, but I'm sure you'll be fine.
      Me:  Probably. But what if I'm not? What if my face is paralysed and I never smile again?
      Mother:  You never smile anyway.
      Me:  Okay, that's a fair point.